I’m feeling so sick.
She won’t answer my calls.
And I feel this enormous pressure on my chest.
This is too much.
I wasn’t thinking about her.
I wasn’t thinking about anything.
We were just hooking up, right?
We were just friends, in bed together, hooking up.
I know I was a little out of it.
But I didn’t.
I’m not a-
She didn’t say stop!
She didn’t say anything.
She told me to leave when we were done.
I think she was crying.
I never wanted to-
I didn’t know that-
I’ve heard the word “consent” before.
“STOP. Got consent?”
Right there on the back of the condom wrapper.
I never knew what it meant.
How was I supposed to know what it meant?
(shouts) SHE SAID NO!!!
And I never told you “yes”.
You know that Chase.
You didn’t care about that though, did you?
You needed to stuff your dick in someone and my door was unlocked and you know me well enough that you knew I couldn’t hurt you.
I wouldn’t stop you.
Even though I didn’t want you.
I can’t get you out of me, Chase.
I can’t get you out of my mattress.
Or out of my room.
And maybe the rape is over but I lie there at night with my eyes open because I still don’t know when this will end.
I lie there at night with my eyes open because when I close them you’re on top of me again, violating me and my body.
Yeah, I wish I’d said no.
I wish I’d screamed it, and thrown you off of me, told you to get the fuck out of my room.
But I know enough to know that I shouldn’t have needed to do any of those things.
It wasn’t my fault.
And I’m not sure if you know that, Chase.
So (takes a deep breath) I’m going to do what it takes to make sure you know that.
(starts to pull out cell phone, then stops, very very emotionally conflicted)
I’m sorry it was you, Chase.
I thought you were my friend.
(takes phone and dials 607-277-5000, Tompkins County Advocacy Center. TCAC rep enters with a printed sign for TCAC which displays the phone number. These lines are accurate.)
Advocacy Center Hotline.
Yes. I’d like to… I’d like to report... I was raped by a friend and I need… someone.
Okay. I’m glad you called. Are you in a safe place to talk right now?
Okay good. I’m here to listen and try to help. Would you like to tell me a little bit about what’s been going on for you?